Just fear for the best, and hope for our worst

lilmurph @ 2005-01-19T21:30:00

2005-01-20T02:31:01Z

This journal sucks. I'm out

add my new one:

lilmurph @ 2005-01-16T23:07:00

2005-01-17T04:13:29Z

I feel wicked useless lately. I feel like I'm just HERE ,but not good for anything. I'm getting in trouble for the stupidest fucking reasons, too. My parents are being wiiiiiicked gay about shit. I'm trying to be a good kid but my parents won't give me a fucking break.

And I figured. I really need a boyfriend. That would be nice. I can't remember a time where I had a guy that like I actually got along with and that really liked me.Or that didn't fucking use me Or that I could keep for more than a month. Blah.

I need to stop listening to emo shit.

P.S. Tiffany freakin Nelson, I love you a whoooooleee lot. Feel better. It'll work out soon.

Tina..eat your food you fat lard

2005-01-16T03:03:33Z

So last night was Andrea's party. That was a good fuckin time. Lauren, Sarah, Sam Blackey, Eleni Erika and this girl Yazmin who was wicked cool was there. I cute Andrea n Laurens bangs ahaha. It was good to hang out with that crew again. I missed them.

JLo's new song really gets stuck in your head.

People need to stop being dipshits. Including me.
Dammit. I need to stop being so fucking stupid and so naiive.
I've been doubting my friends so much lately. I don't know if its my paranoia or if its because I really should. Even people Ive known for a madd long time, like I'm not sure if they even like me anymore. They don't really talk to me or are too fuckin good for me. Oh well.

P.S. Police still really suck and I need to smoke a fuckin bowl.

Fu-fu-Fuck the Police

2005-01-13T23:07:30Z

I'm in the mood to do somethin real bad. I'm getting bored.
It's been like two weeks...much too long.
Fuck my stupid New Year's Resolutions :0)Not that those were gonna last long anways.
Cept the ones where I'm gonna try harder. I NEED to, cus right now I'm on the verge of being a stupid sophmore next year, because umm who can't pass English? Yup me. But that will change.

What is everyone doing this weekend?

P.S. Did i mention police suck? Yup, cus they do. I have to go back cus they think Im lying about shit. FUCK.

lilmurph @ 2005-01-11T20:49:00

2005-01-12T02:16:47Z

You scored as Ghetto gangsta.

</td>

Ghetto gangsta

94%

Punk/Rebel

94%

Stoner

88%

Goth

75%

Loner

56%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

25%

Drama nerd

19%

Geek

19%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

hahah, cute.

So today was really BLAH. Stressing out more and more everyday about everyfuckingthing. I fucking hate every teacher right now. There's so much shit to do and then we have to start studying for our fucking midterms. I really hope someone has a mental breakdown so they see how much shit we have to do. I know I'm a pretty big slacker most of the time, but lately I've entered the little world of "trying hard" and it is no fucking day at the God damn beach. Ahh I hate this so much.
I would really like to drop out of highschool next year. I'm trying sooo much harder this year, and shits just not working out. I'm going to fail the fucking MCAS which basically determines the rest of our fucking lives, so why fucking bother? I'm dumb as fucking nails and there's no place for people like me out in the real world.I'm not going to get into college anywhere, cus math just has to be the center of the fucking universe and I'm no good at it (shocker!).And, I'm a fucking burden and one fuckin hell of a mistake to my whole family, so why not live up to it. No matter how hard I try at anything, it never seems to work out. Whoever said to like have faith in yourself was smokin some seirous rocks. It's imfuckingpossible.I'm such a fuckin screw up, I'm not gonna get anywhere in life. I've been like slippig in all areas of my life, I've even let myy looks and my fucking weight go down the drain. So when you see some fat ugly bitch walking down the street, don't be afraid to say hi, it's just me :0) Oh well, we'll see how it goes for the rest of this year. I promised myself I like wouldn't let myself down and do good in school. I fucking fucked up 1st semester. I even sucked in photography!My favorite class! I mean who fucking accomplishes that? Well,umm.. me. God like hates me and wants me not to have any place on this earth. Maybe I'll just go live in my closet for the rest of my life. It's a safe place.

Well, back to the fucking project....woo fucking hoo.

lilmurph @ 2005-01-08T20:00:00

2005-01-09T01:05:47Z

Uh yeah, I had to get rid of that icon...way too embarassing haha.

So yesterday was good. Courtney came over and we had a pretty good time, even thought we didn't move too far haha. That kid makes me laugh.

Hmm and so for today I had one hell of a day! I sat on my fucking couch all day. On Demand was my only friend. I watched EuroTrip for like the millionth time, You got Served, and like 15 episodes of Sex and the City. Didn't get too much of my history project done which isnt good....

Snow sucks. Anyone object? If so, you suck.

P.S. I am in need of a best friend. I just don't seem to have one this year.

lilmurph @ 2005-01-06T18:48:00

2005-01-07T00:01:00Z

Snow fucking sucks. Today went by way too slow. But its a hell of a lot better than going to school and having an A Day. All the time I spent on my fucking history project, you would think I would have most of it done, but nope, my ADD strikes again and the 5 hours I've workd on it I have like 1 and 1/2 of the journal entries done. Sahfuckingweet.

I've been listening to too much techno today. I think it is supah. I love techno.

And lately I've been thinking...It's really not so bad where I live. I've caused my own problems and then just sat around and felt sorry for myself. I actually have started to really fuckin like it here, and my friends here are great people and I just don't know where the fuck I'd be without them. I don't know what I thought was so bad before (well actually I do but thats another story haha). Like I was like Oh my God theres so much drama! But there's drama everywhere,its just a lil worse here haha. I need to learn to give things a chance. That goes for lots of things. New Years Resolution #12,017.

I think I'm going snowboarding a bunch of times this weekend and I'm fucking stoked.

lilmurph @ 2005-01-05T14:51:00

2005-01-05T19:53:27Z

Today was National Make Fun Of Katie Day. It was very entertaining.

So, with being grounded and having nothing to do I've been watching way too much TV and was wondering...What is the difference between a lamb and a sheep? I really don't get it! I need an answerrrr!

lilmurph @ 2005-01-01T10:15:00

2005-01-01T15:17:29Z

Shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty

That's all I'll ever be is fucking shitty.
Now I clearly see why my friends hate me and get so pissed off with me.

What a fucking New Years...

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

2004-12-31T19:50:44Z

1.Stop being a bitch to everyone. Be one to someone who REALLY deserves it...and only if I really have to.

2. Work a lot harder in school. I fail a bunch of classes and I do want to get out of high school by the time I'm 45.

3. Don't be so god damn annoying and talk less! I know I aggrivate a lot of people and now I started to annoy myself! haha

4. Suck up to my parents more. Yelling at them and bitching at them isn't gonna get me anywhere, so I may as well be fake. People have told me this works, so I'll give it a try...

5. STOP BEING PARANOID.

lilmurph @ 2004-12-28T16:09:00

2004-12-28T21:32:09Z

I hate being bored.I hate the snow. I hate geometry. I hate liars. I hate bitches and people who pretend to be your friend. I hate when people bail on me. I fucking hate that Jess is moving. I hate my mom and her stupid bitchy attitude.I hate wasting a perfectly good day. I hate not loving anyone or having a boyfriend or just someone like that. I hate being mean to people. I hate having to always prove people wrong. I hate when people think theyre so much better than you (when theyre definately really not). I hate being stupid. I hate being paranoid. I hate knowing that I've really hurt people in the past. I hate fighting with people and causing problems just for fun. I hate that I don't live in my old house anymore. I hate being a horrible, heartless person at times. I hate not having good grades and being able to say I'm good at something. I hate who I've been, but hopefully I've changed.

I LOVE my friends, every single one of them. I love that I have a house to live in, and a family. I love rap and techno and country and indie and emo and my various tastes in music. I love being happy. I love letting the past be in the past. I love forgetting about stupid shit. I love sleeping in. I love taking pictures. I love being able to do whatever the fuck I want. I love being a kid. I love watching 80's movies. I love that my hair is getting longer. I actually like being short at times. I love being in NYC. I love love loveee laughing about the stupidest shit with my friends. I love when I get a phone call. I love when people ask me to hang out. I love that things happen for a reason and work out for the best. I love wandering off in the middle of the night with a friend or 2.I love getting a second chance. I love that it's gonna be a new year and can hopefully start things over.

lilmurph @ 2004-12-27T19:30:00

2004-12-28T00:34:08Z

Went to the mall with Courtney today and exchanged a bunch of things. We had fun
Fuck, like everyone I came across had like a fuckin pole up their ass or something. Or maybe its just me?? Who knows. Thank God Courtney was nice to me or else i would have thrown the next person who was a douchebag out the nearest window.
Wednesday I'm snowboarding with Jill and Thursday I'm chyllen with J-Spinn hopefully.
Plans for tomorrow anyone?

lilmurph @ 2004-12-26T21:02:00

2004-12-27T02:03:00Z

Heeeeyyyyyyyyy uh,
Fuck you :0)

lilmurph @ 2004-12-25T13:14:00

2004-12-25T18:16:10Z

Christmas has been good so far, minus the stupid hangover.

I LOOOOVE my new jacket!
but it makes me feel like Fat Joe.
Dammit.

Merry Christmas :0)

Stoked for this week, who wants to hang ouutt?

lilmurph @ 2004-12-23T18:54:00

2004-12-23T23:57:25Z

I think I'm bipolar.
Uh oh.

AND today I went to little Whittier. Damn, did I miss that place like fuck. Of course the only teacher who was there was the teacher I got into a fight with every class. Probably made his day to see me huh? haha
I miss those days at JGW a lot.

lilmurph @ 2004-12-21T15:05:00

2004-12-21T20:07:33Z

Why don't I feel like I fucking fit in anymore?

Oh maybe cus I dont.

I swear this song is the song of my life.

Cant wait for vacation.
Call me if you want, although no one calls.

Bitching,bitching, bitching
You love it.

lilmurph @ 2004-12-19T21:43:00

2004-12-20T03:33:23Z

Took this from Courtney:

1. Choose 13 people from your friends list at random.
2. Write something about/to each of them.
3. Don't tell anyone who the statements are about. Good or bad.

1. Well in 4th grade you thought you were a witch. 6th grade you kicked me and I fucking HATED you hahaha. 8th we became maddd tight. You're definately one of my bestttt friends. Who else would leave a waitress a 15 cent tip but you???

2. You're another one of my best friends from 8th grade. I love how the friend we had that introduced us, we hate now hahah, but we still got eachotherrr. You're definately my other half. We're wayyyy too much alike its scary. We're such assholes, we babysit and get smashed hahaha. Terrible people, but hey we like it :0)

3. "Would you like a hambuhggahh??". You're friggin hilarious dude, my blue chair belongs to you for like ever and everrr. In such a short time you've become sooooo important to me! I'm gonna miss our crazy summer nights SO much, but you're coming and stayin with me this summer, so it's fuckin chill. I <3 you x10000 hahah

4. I love you like I love mullets. You're fucking crazy and my life wouldn't be the same without you cus you're "such a nut" hahaha (my mom's such a drug addict...who says that???). Oh man we've had some really good times like when you fell down my stairs and you played it off like nothing happend hahaha. Oh and P.S.-SUP SLUTS!?

5. Another one of the SUP SLUTS crew. You were my firstttt friend in NBPT and we've had a lot of good times and rough times. We never hang out anymore and I must get annoying saying this a lot haha but I miss you dude! Good times that day in Boston a long long time ago when we tried everything on in Gucci...including the $3000 coat hahah.

6. My bestest buddy since 4th fucking grade! 7th grade was ill too, we were inseperable and we were the worlds biggest bitches hahahaha. We thought we were hott shit with our Abercrombie stuff. Oh mannn where would I be with out you? "You look like an IRISH LASSIE!" Good kid, good kid.

7. BETSEY BOP!!! hahaha so random, but fuckin hilarious. "ThisSsSS MiIiIIgGgGttT be on a QuIiIiIzZzZ" Mrs Taylor really sucks and I love how she thinks she's the teacher when Ms Beacotte really is! Err. Bi bitch... Dude you make me laugh

8. Sam:"Good Job on your sililoquy"
You: "Shut up, you're a bitch" hahahahaha oh my fuckin God, Lit would not be the same without you AT ALL. It would be 2049809385480684068046 times less funny. Sorry for being a bitch to you last year hahah. Glad we're friends now tho! I hate that stupid Air Bud...

9. "HIIII IS JANE THERE?? HAVE A LUHVALLEE DAY!" hahah we've had sooo many good times in just a year. You were the ONLY one wh stuck up for me during that big bad rough time last year and I think youre one fuckin hell of a good friend. Who knew that you me and your mom could have such a good time with the Personal Ads in the newspaper? And what continues to amaze me is that we finished like my whole DVD collection ahahha.

10. You and your photogenicness make me feel so damn bad about myself. But I still love ya, even tho you throw buckets at me and kick me and beat me up a lot hahah.I remember the first time we hung out and we ate a shitload of lemon merengue pie and when I nearly broke my stupid nose and you and your mom took care of me and put cold peas on my nose. Oh shit dude...

11. My fellow cult member, what is there to say about you... Oh maybe that I looovvee youuu. "Is that a field??" "No, thats a parking lot"hahahaha you crack me the fuck up. I heart you pretty lady!

12. My favorite freshmanin the WHOLE world. That day at the retreat.. oh man, so much to say. "sing on peace...oooh PSYCHE!" And that day at the lemonade stand this summer was a good ass time. I remember the like first time we met when I was like 5 and you were 4. You know you have a secret love for Danny Leavitt...

13. Ohhhh my love! We've had a bunch of fun times. Salem with you and Biff was one of the best times of my life! I wish you hadn't left school, it blows now! But at least Iget to see you downtown. I remember the time we were at the skatepark hangin out with James and it rained, so we slid down the bowls and got soaked. I'll always have LOTS of love for my body guard!

Comment and tell me who you think you areee
<33

What else should I be? All apologies

2004-12-18T18:15:52Z

Yesterday was the last time I do that. For a while at least.
This time its for serious.

I really need to stop fucking up, I've fucked up so much in the past couple months and I need to just fucking stop being a bitch and do what I've been doing. My BIGGEST new year's resolution:Stop being such an asshole, only to people who really deserve it.
Which makes me think...

I can't believe another year is almost fucking over! It went by SO fast, but so much happend. I went from being completely normal to being a huge fuck up who did fucked up things. I made friends, lost friends, gained a few more and made up with a lot I had grudges with. Everything really does happen for a reason I found out, and if none of this stuff had ever happend and turned out being fucked up, maybe it means I'm not supposed to be this way and I need to change.

So to anyone I've been a bitch to, I'm really sorry.
Good bye to the slut bitch ho bag side of Katie Murphy. That's really not me at all, I don't know what the fuck got into me this year. But it's gonna be gone in 05...I really hope.

AND speaking of New Years, who wants to make plans for that night?? Lemmeeeee knoowwwww

AND P fucking S!!!!!!! I got 2 new fishieeessss, what should I name them???

Lots of "I" statements

2004-12-16T23:21:02Z

Thank fucking god tomorrow is Friday...

I'm getting really sick of shopping lately, along with a lot of other things.

I want my new jacket. Fuck.

I feel like hitting someone. Really hard.

I want to drop out of high school.I'm too dumb and its not worth it.No matter how fucking hard i try, I keep slippin. No chances of college, so why fucking bother.

Seriously what is everyones problem tonight?? Did everyone in this world have a meeting and agree to be an asshole? What the fuck is up? People are just bitchin at me and being assholes for no reason. What'd I do!!?

I hate Christmas.

lilmurph @ 2004-12-14T21:30:00

2004-12-15T03:07:23Z

Pretty good day. I found a random $5 in the hall on my way to French. I was DAMN stoked! I bought another fucking camera cus I'm obsessed with taking pictures. I also hung out with Jess today. We laughed so hard about the most random shit. I love that kid. I got a B+ on my history essay. Another good point to my day. AND Jordan made me this wicked hott picture of a guy with a mullet. Awesome dude.

NEED TO BUY PRESENTS. Too bad I'm fucking selfish and spend my money all on me :0)

So psyched for break and snowboardin.....

ANORExicPILLow2: beware of squirrels, protect your nuts

^what a WEIRD kid hahaha

Hey umm Katie needs to stop being so fucking stupid and needs to stop failing everything. Ha fucking ha.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Wayyyy too many things

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Stop smoking weed (till summer maybe? Don't think that'll last...), BE NICER, get a fucking boyfriend that lasts for more than a month

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
He was sorta a friend

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Being nice

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Holy shit, too many. But mostly my birthday...good time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Who the fuck knows.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I think we all know that one (or a bunch of them actually)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
fuckin like... alcohol?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All my wonderful friends :0)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
probably some asshole...mmm yep

14. Where did most of your money go?
clothes, drugs and alcohol (wow my future is lookin great)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
NYC, No Doubt Concert...dunno

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
On Fire-Lloyd Banks

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? A lot happier
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? fuckin dirt poor

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Take the time to get to know people and stop being such an asshole.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Drugs

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With the Murphys as usual...

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
nearly

23. How many one-night stands?
nada

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Sex and The City, Laguna fucking Beach

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
yes

26. What was the best book you read?
That Summer

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lloyd Banks<333, Kenny Chesney (even tho hes been around for a while), Taking Back Sunday (known about them for a while, but I started liking them this year)

28. What did you want and get?
to make up with my friends I was in fights with

29. What did you want and not get?
a new stereo, mine is ghetto shit

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
fuckin Mean Girls! hah

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
turned 15, went to Boston and spent $400, came home and chilled with all my friends and smoked a joint

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To have not done things I completely regret

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Its bipolar.

34. What kept you sane?
the friends who stuck by me and told me everythin was gonna be okay

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
LLOYD MOTHERFUCKIB BANKS, man do I love him. I don't think I can stress that enough hahaha.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
fuck politics
37. Who did you miss?
my haverhill friends, cait mcneil (when we had our hugeee ass blowout haha), mike when he left

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Probably like Tiffany Nelsonnnn or Tabitha (We started hangin out this year and shes one of my bestest buddies!)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
don't do stupid shit youre gonna regret later on, make the best of everything

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Dont hide, youll never change if you just run away"-Christina Aguilera

lilmurph @ 2004-12-12T20:07:00

2004-12-13T01:25:29Z

Fairly decent weekend. A day with Ange is ALWAYS a good thing, so I enjoyed my Friday.
Yesterday hmm lets see about yesterday...oops dont remember..........
Today I woke up at 4 am still drunk and I've been awake since, so I'm completely worn out.
I went to the mall today and apparently it was walk slow and piss off katie day. But i ended up with
a new pair of jeans, this wiiicked hott track jacket from abercrombie and the new ludacris and lloyd banks CD. I love that man. A LOT.

*You make me fucking sick to my stomach
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not know
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke

Hahah i hate you so much. Have fun with your new girl, stupid manslut.

Tell me WHY did I get involved with that, again????

SHOCKING NEWS: I'm going to try and be a good girl from here on out (hahah lets see if that lasts long) I need to stop fucking myself over and finally pay attention in school and with other things. I'm not as driven as I used to be and I'm too fucking lazy to want to do anything. So, we need a little change around here.

It REALLY needs to be summer time, like right now.

Mmm yeah and another thing...I cannot fucking STAND fake people. If you don't like me or have some sort of problem with me, don't act like you fucking like me. So actually just do us all a favor and don't say another fucking word to me.

<3

lilmurph @ 2004-12-11T14:43:00

2004-12-11T20:05:51Z

Katieee8905: okay so my moms making me write an xmas list...what dvds do i want?
Jess ROMANi 23: ummmm
Jess ROMANi 23: "Jess Romani Gone Wild"

This is EXACTLY why I love this girl

I'm so super psyched that Christmas is coming. I need money really fucking badly, and clothes too. Mine are getting reallllly boring.

I really miss him. I miss being all cute and shit, but nope. Looks like he has a new girl haha oh well. Everything happens for a reason I guess, but I'm still waiting to find out what that reason is...

Umm I really need to stop being fat. Looks like I'm living off of nothing but like coffee for the next month or whatever and going to the gym A LOT. Blah.

***I need to buy my dad and my friends christmas presents. What do you want for Christmas people!? :0)

I'm in such a giddy fucking mood and I don't fucing know why.
tee fucking hee.

How much do your LJ friends love you? by ladybugadria
username
age
choose one
loves you lots	_helloiloveyou_
thinks of you as their best friend	benightedeyes
pretends to like you	join_meindeath
wants to move your relationship to the next level	boundless_glory
wants you in bed	xoangelinaox
Loves your quirkiness	hurricane7
desperately loves to read your journal	bringin_da_mosh
Loves you more than you know	cry_me_a_riverr
thinks you are stange	pritchard779

Quiz created with MemeGen!

lilmurph @ 2004-12-09T18:12:00

2004-12-09T23:19:17Z


black men is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

hahahah oh dear how ironic

good day today. i took stuff so i would be happy tho haha.
hung out with jess after school and had oh so much fun! went downtown and chilled with the usual people. Poor little Jess might broken her finger. I thinks it looks madd cool! hahah

Ange tomorrow! Am I psyched or what!?

I miss having a boy :0( Who wants to get me a boyfriend for Christmas?! :0) :0)

lilmurph @ 2004-12-06T17:04:00

2004-12-06T22:08:32Z

daannielle512: KNOW ONE CALLS MY MIDGET A MIDGET

hahahaha oh danielle ruane i love you kid

So today was alright. 2 New sweaters. They=hott.

I have homework over load. fuck. i have like 20 different things for each class

Hahaha oh and um new rule:fuckin nasty ass beasts arent allowed to comment in here. Sorry. Seriously shut the fuck up, youre SOO awesome commenting in a fucking LIVEJOURNAL. haha and youre calling me immature? Grow up hun. This is all getting really entertaining. From here on out, I'm just gonna sit back and laugh at all of this shit. Let's see if we get some madd cool comments this time hahahah :0) I love my friends. Always have my back, and I have yours :0)

You know I'm here for the party, and I aint leavin till they throw me out

2004-12-05T21:12:35Z

Two updates in a day...I need get a life

I wish it were summer and I could go to NH. I just have the sudden urge to go there.
Speaking of NH, does anybody wanna go snowboarding soon? I'd loooove to.

I need to buy more presents for people. Too fucking bad im BROKE, huh?
I'm so happy its Christmas time. Only 2 1/2 weeks till vacation :0)

My new icon is eww. I dont like it, but its the only one I could find. I'll get a new one soon I guess.

Mmm, I think its over with him. Oh well.